I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. –Unknown

I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter. –Unknown

Ahh…I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again. –Unknown

Yes, I am an agent of Anbuis, but my duties are largely ceremonial. –Unknown

And your cry-baby whinny-assed opinion would be…? –Unknown

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer. –Unknown

Too many freaks, not enough circuses. –Unknown

Chaos, panic and disorder-my work here is done. –Unknown

The last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitudes. –Victor Frank

Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality. –Nikos Kazantzakis

Courage is…the knowledge of how to fear what ought to be feared and how not to fear what ought not to be feared. –David Ben-Gurion

Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. –Phillips Brooks

If an army of monkeys were strumming on type writers, they might write all the books in the British Museum. –Sir Arthur Eddington

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. –Spike Milligan

There is nothing more annoying as to have two people go right on talking when you’re interrupting. –Unknown

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. –Unknown

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. –Unknown

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. –Unknown

Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded. –Unknown

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t. –Unknown

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. –Unknown

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex. –Edgar Wallace

Black holes are where God divided by zero. –Steven Wright

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side and it holds the Universe together. –Carl Zwanig

Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. –Alexandre Dumas

If we would read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm any hostility. –H. W. Longfellow

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to float. –Ann Landers

Give me a reason to smile, I’ll give you a reason to cry, give me a reason to live, I’ll give you a reason to die. –Unknown

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. –Unknown

Eyes are windows to the your heart, tears are proof that you have one. –Unknown

The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober. –William Butler Yeats

There are five things which no one is able to accomplish in this world; first to cease growing old when he is growing old; second to cease being sick; third, to cease dying; fourth to deny dissolution when there is dissolution; fifth to deny non-being. –Buddha

Death, so called, is a think which makes men weep, and yet a third of life is passed in sleep. –Lord Byron

That last day does not bring extinction to us, but change of place. –Cicero

We look at death through the cheap-glazed windows of the flesh, and believe him the monster which the flawed and cracked glass represents him. –James Russell Lowell

The gods conceal from men the happiness of death, that they may endure life. –Lucan

Death is delightful. Death is dawn, the waking from a weary night of fevers unto truth and light. –Joaquin Miller

It is not death, it is dying that alarms me. –Michel De Montaigne

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. –Joseph Stalin

Every time a child says, “I don’t believe in fairies” there is a little fairy somewhere that falls down dead. –James Matthew Barrie

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions. –Maurice Chapenain

God cannot alter the past, that is why he is obliged to connive at the existence of historians. –Samuel Butler

Study the past, if you would divine the future. Confucius

The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness. –Joseph Conrad

Never contract friendship without a man that is not better than thyself. –Confucius

A superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his action. –Confucius

Inscription on a tombstone: “I told you I was sick.” –Seen in Ashland, New Hampshire

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they are going to be when you kill them. –William Clayton

A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes, and, of course, one raccoon. –Steel City News

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. –Earl Wilson


How do you play religious roulette?
You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck by lightning first. –Unknown

Join the army! Travel to exotic, distant lands, meet exciting, unusual people, and kill them. –Unknown

Schizophrenia beats being alone. –Unknown

Excuse me, I have to recharge my flame thrower. –Unknown

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. –Unknown

I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead. –Unknown

I’d insult you, but you’re not bright enough to notice. –Unknown

The meek shall inherit the earth-they’re too weak to refuse. –Graffiti

In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal. –Unknown

If you want your name spelt wrong, die. –Unknown

I’ll never get off this planet. –unknown


You know the oxygen masks on airplanes?
I don’t think there’s really any oxygen. I think they’re just to muffle the screams. –Rita Rudner

There will always be survivors. –Robert Herinlen

The worst movement for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. –Dante Rossetti

I call Christianity the ‘one’ great curse, the ‘one’ great depravity, the ‘one’ great instinct for revenge for which no expedient is sufficiently poisonous, secret, subterranean, ‘petty’ –I call it the ‘one’ mortal blemish of man kind. –Fredrich Neitzsche

Religions are all alike—founded on fables and mythologies. –Thomas Jefferson

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hinting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. –P.J. O’Rourke

Certain teachings in the Bible are as diamonds in a dung-heap. –Thomas Jefferson

From deep within out secret souls, do demons lie and take their toll. –Unknown

The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself. –Istvan

God didn’t create man. Man created God. –The Craft

A clarification of Christianity: Thou shalt not kill except in the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Spirit. –Xavier Cross


I have seen the universe yawning
Where the black planets roll without aim-
Where they roll in their horror unbeeded,
Without knowledge or luster or name. –Cthulhu Mythos

And the shadow fell upon the land, and the world was riven stone from stone. The oceans fled and the mountains were swallowed up and the nations were scattered to the eight corners of the world. The moon was as blood, and the sun was as ashes. The seas boiled, and the living envied the dead. –Robert Jordan—The Eye of the World

…the erotic flesh, which crawls in the night, is the vicious master of darkness, and you are the prey…--Kristine Knowlton


Dragons can command all of the five elements:
Air for those which fly;
Water for those which swim;
Earth for the ground-dwelling dragons;
Fire in their magic and their breath;
Spirit in their powerful energies. –Unknown

…the voice of the Great Spirit is heard in the twittering of birds, the rippling of mighty waters, and the sweet breathing of flowers. If this is paganism, then at present, at least, I am a Pagan. –Gertrude Bonnin, Dakota Sioux

We see the changes of day and night…the seasons, the stars, the moon, the sun. Anyone must know it is the work of someone more powerful than man. –Chased-by-bears

We sang the songs that carried in their melodies all the sounds of nature-the running waters, the sighing of winds, the call of the animal. Teach your children that they may come to love nature as we loved it. –Grand Council Fire of Native Americans

If witchcraft leads you to a deeper, better, more balanced person, then it’s a good and totally legitimate real religion. –Grey Cat in Deepening Witchcraft

Quotes