Scifi Saturday Tips
This hails from some time ago, I found it in my collection of research, it aired on the Scifi channel before it became known as Syfy. It was never finished, but you get the general idea. At the end is some fan Survival tips. I can't seem to find this on their site anymore, but this aired one summer, had all that you see, and over on the site had the info as well. If you like to contribute or you have an old link please contact and provide, you'll get the credit, I always give credit.
1. If the earth looses its atmosphere donít waste your breath screaming.
2. If it can eat through walls it can eat through you.
3. Never swim alone at night, naked.
4. Wishes can be dangerous if you catch a leprechaun kill it.
5. If it has 20 legs you canít outrun it.
6. In the woods everything can hear you scream.
7. If a giant spider catches you donít panic, it wonít eat you for days.
8. Never go on an epic quest, without having an exit strategy.
11. When building an army of mutant super soldiers donít use the criminally insane.
12. Not all monsters want to eat you some just want your skin.
13. Never play god even if you are one.
14. Just because youíre immortal, doesnít mean you canít get your ass kicked.
15. If the egg weighs more than you donít wait around for it to hatch.
16. If its foot is bigger than your house donít hide in your house.
17. Never brew love potions around family members.
18. If it has two heads, it can eat you in half the time.
19. If its foot print is bigger than your hummer leave.
20. Never make fun of fairies they arenít as cute when they swarm.
21. Never mate with an alien, no matter how hot it is.
22. If you discover that you can fly donít do it in commercial airspace.
23. If you can see bits of flesh caught in its teeth youíre standing too close.
24. If a giant asteroid is heading for earth duck and cover wonít help.
25. When building a robot donít give it a brain, and if you do donít give it a weapon.
26. When running from a monster never wear high heels.
27. If a giant snake is trying to kill you donít send a larger one to defeat it.
28. If a fraternity requires a blood sacrifice donít pledge.
29. Kids love dinosaurs unfortunately dinosaurs love kids too.
30. If it comes from outer space donít eat it.
31. If you find human remains donít wait around to see what was eating them.
32. If you engineer a super virus also engineer an unbreakable test tube.
33. If you think your town has a werewolf problem, move.
35. ďNo trespassingĒ signs only work for things that can read.
36. If the static in the TV is talking to you donít talk back.
37. If its teeth are bigger than its body donít try to pet it.
38. Massive doses of radiation wonít give you super powers.
39. If you successfully clone yourself it will probably try to kill you.
40. When using a Ouija board only summon people who liked you.
43. If a club requires a blood sacrifice donít join.
44. Never sign a contract in blood, no matter how badass it feels.
45. Just because it has fur doesnít mean you should pet it.
46. Not all parasites need you for food, some just need you for shelter.
49. Not because itís not safe outside, doesnít mean itís safe inside.
50. If the thing under your porch ate your dog itís probably not a cat.
53. If it has eyes in the back of its head donít stand behind it.
55. Not everything in the dark will hurt you, some wait until you turn on the lights.
56. If your closet starts glowing, donít open the door.
58. If something crawls down your chimney itís not bring you toys.
59. If it feeds every 23 years donít be around when it wakes up.
60. If youíre mentioned in a prophecy, remember to write down the details.
61. If every animal runs the same direction, follow them.
62. If you hear it growling a mile away, donít wait around to see what it is.
63. If you open a door to another dimension, make sure you know how to close it.
64. If she starts growing fur, sheís no longer your sister.
66. If you build a doomsday device, donít leave it on standby.
67. In the event of a nuclear winter, donít eat the snow.
68. If a book can summon the dead, donít read it out loud.
69. If it creeps up quietly, it probably eats loudly.
Other peopleís survival tips
Do not hide by might of khan
When darkness falls donít hide under the kitchen sink.
The lake by vanessa
If someone in a hockey mask is chasing you donít jump in a lake.
Monster teeth by code
If its teeth are bigger than you, run.
77 by devon
If the spider is bigger than you donít try to squish it.
Zombies by nathan raff
If you are surrounded by zombies start chopping heads.
Monster by ben
When people scream about monsters, listen...or else.
Watch out by zachary
If its part alligator and part dinosaur a gun wonít do anything, so leave.
Sharp eye by huu
If something has sharp eye, do not hide from it.
Extra-terrestrials by john
Not all extra-terrestrials likes Reeseís pieces, some just prefer to eat Reese whole.
Creation by john
Youíll want your creation to consider you as dad, but it will only think of you as an appetizer.
Death of a friend by austin
If youíre friend dies mourn later run now.
Hide by andrew
Just because it looks cute and cuddly dosíne mean it canít bite your hand off.
Locked doors by alex lewis
If the door locks by itself donít try to unlock it jump out the window.
Not polite by alex lewis
Donít hide in the bathroom chances are whateverís looking for you isnít polite.
Super fast by alex lewis
If its super fast donít run from it hide from it.
Zombies by alex lewis
If it looks like a zombie, smells like a zombie, itís not Jack anymore itís a zombie.
Myths by alex lewis
If you find a strange language on a tablet donít try to read it.
Mutated dog by alex lewis
if you live near a nuclear plant donít let your dog outside.
Your pool by jeff
If you find strange fish in your pool donít go swimming.
Under the house by jeff
want to know what the noise under the house is? Hire someone to find out.
Deadly creatures by dracc
if an animal is already deadly donít make it even more deadly.
Scientific experiments by dracc
if you want to study an extinct species look at fossils.
If a tree falls by jeff
if a tree suddenly falls in the woods donít stick around to see why.
The sky is falling by dracc
if the sky is falling donít go outside and watch.
Paranoia by jeff
just cause you canít hear them doesnít mean they arenít coming for you.
Mouths by jeff
if you canít see its mouth you donít want to stick around to see how it eats.
More by jeff
if they multiply faster than you can count donít bring them home to earth.
Taunting by jeff
if you donít think you can run faster then it. Donít taunt it, unless itís dead.
The waterís fine by lucas le dowx
the water isnít fine if thereís a monster shark swimming in it.
Mute it by tate hayes
mute your TV close your eyes and ask someone what happened.
Monster in the closet by david stauche
if you hear strange noises in your closet donít open the closet door.
Donít be stupid by rixgirl
when they say donít turn around, donít.
See no evil by meiling
if you can hear it but canít see it turn on the lights.
Werewolf by dustin
if it has fangs and glowing yellow eyes donít just stand there and look at it.
Vampire survival by dustin
if youíre a vampire, stay away from witches. They donít like you.
Paranoid by dragon edge walker
just because you are paranoid doesnít mean that they havenít already caught you.
Tasty and nutritious by jude
you are a monsterís main diet so be considerate and take a multivitamin daily.
Unknown location by tim
if the area youíre in is not on a map leave as fast as you can.
Running for the hills by eric calhoun
if you are running from a creature try not to fall.
Creatures from the shadows by b-boy mugen
if a creature is anywhere itís dark stay in the light.
Stand off by matt
if you have a gun in your hand use it, donít drop it and run.
Large creature by gerald
if itís bigger than your house, donít go and hide in it.
Dead creature by david stauche
just because itís bleeding and not moving doesnít mean itís dead.
Puzzle box by david stauche
if you find a magic puzzle box, donít try to solve it.
Mummies by david stauche
when you dig up a coffin with chains on it donít try to open it.
Super computers by david stauche
when you find a super computer donít turn it on.
Making aliens by david stauche
when making an alien with acid blood also make an acid proof cage.
Common sense by sarah
when you hear noises outside be sure to always lock your doors.
Last son by mark martinez
if you are nuts enough to create your own world make sure you are the top of the food chain.
Creation by jeff
if youíre running donít turn around look ahead.
Donít judge a book by its cover by jose
If its cute and cuddly donít pet it.
Fine print by mark martinez
whenever you sell your body to science make sure to read all the fine print twice.
Rednecks by brian evans
if a freaky looking hillbilly tell you to take a short cut through the woods, donít.
Crocs by brian evans
crocodiles are not manís best friend.
Tracks by brian evans
if you find strange tracks on the ground go the opposite way.
Mirror by brian evans
if your reflection in a mirror moves the wrong way smash it.
Under the bed by brian evans
if you think thereís a monster under your bed wrong, try one lying next to you.
Locals by brian evans
when in a strange town never except a dinner invitation, youíre dinner.
Survival tip # 41 by trevor
never walk into a zombie horde unarmed.
Darkroom phobia by tyler
if youíre scared in a dark room donít look up.
Space group by cody
if something lands in the woods donít go looking for it.
Croc by cody
if you see a nest of eggs donít mess with them you never know what is nearby.
Mountain beast by cody
if you hear a sound outside your tent donít go out of your tent.
Governmentís new pet by cody
if you want to create something from the past donít it might just eat you.
Parenting advice by mark martinez
if your mom tells you there are no monsters then chances are sheís wrong.
From beneath by mark martinez
if you try to summon something from hell youíre an idiot.
Mutant snakes by sandra roberts
if it has a tongue longer than you chances are youíre in for more than a tongue lashing.
Vampires by kathryn daniels
if it has fangs in its mouth cover your neck.
Test your strength by tyler
if its stronger than a bull dozer donít try to wrestle with it.
Unknown by tyler
if the creature is in your house donít go back in.
The sea by tyler
if itís bigger than your boat donít sail in it.
The cabin by tyler
if something moves outside donít walk outside.
The house by tyler
if your house talks to you donít buy it.
The monster by tyler
if itís bigger than your car donít try to run it over.
Do what you want by melissa fisher
you donít have to outrun the monster just the girl in heels.
Pirates by cindy
when you come across a sealed pirateís chest, donít open it.
Suicide by richard
if someone is trying to kill you just shoot yourself.
Haunted house by richard
if you see an old creepy house donít go inside.
Have you see your mummy lately by penny
if it is long dead and wrapped up donít try to read the writing on the wall.
Relationships by mark martinez
if you canít see your girlfriendís reflection always have a wooden stake for the break up.
Blood tub by cheyenne
if there is blood in the tub donít stay in the house.
Camping by sunit
if you are attacked while camping donít finish camping.
Vampire by cheyenne
never be friends with a vampire, it might have you for dinner.
Cabin fever by cheyenne
if you have a flesh eating disease donít scratch.
Scifi survival tip # 5 by mark martinez
just because you donít see it doesnít mean it canít see you.
Family killer by jesse sorrosa
if youíre related to a killer and an earthquake some donít call them family.
Lava beast by briar
when a giant lava beast comes out of a volcano donít shoot it with bullets just run for the lake.
Comet by nick marvel
if a comet comes through the earthís atmosphere, stay in your house.
Highway by nick marvel
if you see a dead body on the road donít get out of the car.
T-rex by nick marvel
if youíre in the jungle and meet a t-rex stand still.
Facing a monster by jennifer
when facing a monster paralyzed by your gaze donít look away.
Dark by briar
never go in a dark cave alone it might be your last mistake.
Blood by bob
if you see blood in front of a door donít open the door.
Space creature fighting by briar
if your heavy duty X11 laser cannon canít hurt it nothing can so run.
Space travel by briar
when mining on an asteroid, donít go in the caves with red eyes.
Darkness by briar givens
donít fear the dark fear what is in it...
Common sense by briar givens
when the crows start to fly, you better follow them.
If you got a gun by brent
if you got a gun use it once on the creature. If it gets back up shoot yourself.
Zom-bay by troy c
if you see one zombie there are 22,000 more right behind it.
Locusts by jacob
if a swarm of flesh eating locusts are coming donít just stand there.
Donít date by errol
never date with an alien, no matter how hot it is.
Running in the forest by erica
if running away from a monster in the forest if your friend falls leave her.
23 by zachary
if it can adapt to anything you throw at it donít use the same weapon.
Who to run from by spencer wilson
if the masked man keeps coming after being shot run donít keep shooting.
The order of things by jason
first you shoot the monster, then you run because it always gets back up.
Never go in the woods alone by errol
when an asteroid is falling to earth donít waste your time screaming.
Fighting by ed
if a monster has acid for blood donít poke holes in it.
Swimming by ed
remember when swimming in a hidden lake you become part of the food chain.
3 by errol
never eat cheese, donít kick king kong.
Upstairs by paul noer
if you are being chased by a creature donít run upstairs it will get you.
Be careful where you hide by thom clark
if they canít get in you canít get out.
Scientists by dw
if you are getting away from the creature then itís no longer behind you.
Bazooka by tipmaster
if what ever is chasing is bullet proof use a bazooka.
Donít shot by tipmaster
if it doesnít see you donít shoot at it.
Dinner time by stella
if its hungry, run, run, run.
Die, die, die by stella
youíve killed it twice its still alive maybe you need a bigger gun.
Proof by stella
if what is after you is already dead, donít stop to take a photo.
Tea for too by lauren and ainsley
when confronted by the lochness monster donít invite her for tea.
Field work by lauren and ainsley
when doing field work on flesh eating insects, donít wear perfume.
Smart food by lauren and ainsley
If your food talks to you donít eat it.
Swimming lessons by laruen and ainsley
when hunting a killer shark, learn to swim first.
Outa the water by rowcar
if everything else is dying to get out of the water, you should be too.
Laughing by anthony
if you hear laughing in a room and no oneís there itís not funny.
No more bullets by tim gosch
if emptying your gun into a monster doesnít work. Throwing the gun at it probably wonít help you.
Survival by kathy
if it lives in the woods donít hide in the forest.
Can I axe you for directions by mike pullen II
if the old man next to the road is holding an axe donít stop for directions.
Psycho thumbs up by mike pullen II
when driving by a psychiatric hospital donít stop for hitch hikers.
Itís too late by mike pullen II
if you see dead people, itís already too late.
Look at the brains on her by mike pullen II
if he says he wants you for your brains heís probably a zombie.
Breaking in by larry
if it can break into your house it can break you.
209786 by evan
if a bear tries to kill you run and die.
Escape by john
the slow die first always be faster than the people youíre with.
Creatures and the like by mallory spindler
if you can see creatures charging at you running would be a good idea.
In the darkness by mark
in a room with darkness and youíre alone you will be afraid.
50023 by evan
if a big python is trying to kill you...leave.
Rabid by h
if you get bitten by a werewolf make sure it doesnít have rabies.
Sci-fi disaster by jake
if a tornado comes donít look for it or you will die from it.
Potholes by brion
when youíre running for your live look out for potholes.
Home alone by francis
if you are home alone and hear noises donít go out calling names.
All alone by brittany willams
if you are the only one left donít expect anyone to save you.
Evil robots by alex
if you make an army of robots that go bad make at least one robot that will stay good.
Ghost by alex
if you get attacked by ghosts that can phase, donít waste your time shooting it with a gun.
Couch potato by john-boy
donít fall asleep watching television it might be watching you.
Scared by john-boy
they say snakes taste just like chicken snakes say the same thing about us.
Walking alone by christina
going for a walk in the woods under a full moon just donít go alone.
Toxic waste by chris
if you have toxic waste around donít let your pet near it.
Disguise by edwardo tenorio
if a creature disguises as one of your friends chances are, you are gonna die.
Zombies by dale siegfried
if a zombie yells out brains donít give it what it wants.
Cerberus by dale siegfried
if it has three heads and can breath fire, run.
Disaster by dale siegfried
if it has blood on its teeth it wonít want to cuddle.
Tip # 55 by dale siegfried
if a giant fish is coming at you trying to eat you donít swim in the water.
When the storm begins by moley
when the storm begins run for your lives.
Brains by roxy
if a friend dares you to eat monkey brains donít use a lot of hot sauce.